Whilst sitting in the bus on my way home today, I suddenly understood the world isn’t as lovely as I make it seem. Don’t get me wrong, I have always thought people are selfish and arrogant and stuff, but something just got to me. I have tried so hard to be happy, because my therapist told me if you try to be happy you will most likely at some point be happy. If you try to enjoy the small things, you will find happiness in your life. And I am happy. I feel good. When I’m at school I feel happy. When I get home, I’m okay, just extremely lonely. But as soon as I go to bed, I crash. I cry for hours, I think too much which makes everything even more complicated. It’s so tiring. I wake up everyday with numb swollen eyes. I go to shower and decide today will be better. I have decided that today will be better for about 1000 times and about 1000 today hasn’t been better. I have always had hope, because, after all, I am optimistic by nature. But life just crushes me down day by day. Day by day it becomes harder to breathe. Day by day I become more desparate, and even though I try to smile and let it go and be myself, there is something that just hits me back down and makes me utterly miserable. The voices in my head win battle after battle. I am tired of this.